That Guy

Every city has its characters. They are the eccentric people that the locals love to talk about, and the tourists love to take pictures of. Some do it for the money, and some do it for more obscure reasons. Whatever the motivation, a good town weirdo is like a sports team; the people of a city will defend and identify with each as if they reflect on the citizens personally.

From my limited experience in the world, I can only speak of two cities. My favorite St. Louis character is Beatle Bob. If you see live music in St. Louis with any frequency, you have undoubtedly danced with Beatle Bob. He is always in the front row doing the same goofy dance regardless of the genre. When I enter a venue, he is always the first person I look for, because if he is around, I know I came to the right spot.

There are two notable San Francisco characters that I cherish. First is Bush Man. One of the top tourist destinations in the city is Fisherman’s Wharf, full of unsuspecting visitors from around the world. Bush Man hides behind tree branches, and discreetly waits for victims. If someone comes close, he jumps out and scares them. When the victims recover from the fright, they often stick around to watch the Bush Man choose his next prey.

Up next is Frank Chu. Famous for his cryptic signs, Frank Chu follows the crowds. He will join any protest as a venue to push his own protests. Over the years, his picketing supplies have seen significant upgrades. Companies have sponsored Chu in exchange for space on the back of his signs. I think we can all agree, Impeach Clinton 12 Galaxies Guiltied to a Zegnatronic Rocket Society.

I wanted to include Dog Cat Rat Man, but he is more of a nomadic character, so he doesn’t really belong to any city like these guys do. There are also some smaller scale characters I didn’t include, like the guy in the red sweatshirt who yells at no one at the Depot, or the old dude who is always at the library with his briefcase as if the public computer terminal were his office.

Who is your favorite character from your home town?

America by Road

The drive from San Francisco to St. Louis was amazing. We met up with Ken before we left to discuss taking a scenic route, which was priceless. On the road, we covered 2,463 miles over four days and saw 44 state plates traveling across California, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Kansas, and Missouri.

Our first diversion from the main route was to take Route 50 through Nevada. This road is known as “The Loneliest Road in America” because there are so few signs of civilization for miles. We loved it. The road wound through huge expanses of Nevada desert with nice mountains off in the distance. We drove 75 miles without seeing another car.

That night, we crossed the border into Utah. The road changed from gray to red, and the mountains on the horizon were purple in the sunset. We stopped at a diner for dinner and finished the 13 hour drive in Cedar City, Utah. It was a small town, but even a small town can feel like a thriving metropolis when you have spent the entire day in Nevada.

We spent the entire second day in Southern Utah by Ken’s recommendation. It was the most beautiful drive I have ever seen. I felt like I was in a theme park, because every mile was different than the last. One moment, we were in a golden aspen forest, and the next, we were surrounded by open plains. The terrain transformed within minutes from a barren gray moonscape to a deep red canyon.

We took many opportunities to pull over and take pictures. Unfortunately, most of the pictures we took from the car are better views of bugs on the windshield than the scenery. There was one section where we were driving on a ridge, with steep slopes and amazing views on both sides of the car. Soon after that, we were following the Colorado River through a canyon. You can see the scale of the canyons if you check the tiny dots in the pictures of Lake Powell. Those are huge RVs.

If you are ever driving through Utah, add a day to your schedule for the scenic adventure. I kept my maps, so I am happy to share our route. The drive was beautiful all the way through Denver. Ben took us out to dinner while we were there, and we enjoyed some time outside the car with him.

Once we entered the plains of Kansas, it got pretty boring. The town on the border of Kansas and Colorado is called Kanorado, and that was probably the most exciting moment of the day. Also the billboard for Jesus Heals and Restores, Pornography Destroys immediately followed by Adult Superstore was entertaining.

We learned a valuable lesson on our journey across the country. You don’t have to travel to the other side of the world to see something amazing. We have awesome natural beauty right here if you go out and look for it. I can’t wait for the drive back!

San Francisco

When I found out I would be moving to St. Louis, I made sure to take advantage of my last few days in San Francisco. Lucking that weekend was the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass festival in Golden Gate Park, so I went to see Old Crow Medicine Show with my parents.

There were three types of people in the audience. First was the standard hipster, wearing tight jeans and a fedora. Second was the Ras Trent generation. And last but not least were the Deadheads, who smoked just as much weed as their younger neighbors.

Aaron flew in last week to help me move out to St. Louis, but before we hit the road, I wanted to give him a taste of San Francisco because he had never been to the west coast. We started with some of the tourist destinations at Fisherman’s Wharf where we were able to watch the Blue Angels during fleet week. He was also quite impressed with the sights, sounds, and smells of the sea lions.

On Thursday nights at the beautiful new California Academy of Sciences, they have “Nightlife” where they open up the museum exclusively to adults for the evening. There are drinks, music, and activities in addition to the usual museum attractions.

We were particularly entertained by the baculum exhibit. We didn’t know what that was, so we eagerly picked up a giant bone that was a meter long. The nice lady in a lab coat informed us that had just grabbed the bone from a walrus penis. Then she proceeded to give us a detailed explanation of mammalian penis bones, including an insightful demonstration of how they are used. Other highlights of the evening included the planetarium, rainforest, and aquarium.

We headed home early to get a good sleep before the road trip the next morning. Aaron had a great first weekend in the Bay Area, and I was happy to savour my last few days there.

Road Trip

San Francisco to St. Louis, October 2009.

Los Angeles

With no job prospects and nothing to do, I decided to spend a few days in Los Angeles this week. Wednesday turned out to be a highlight of my life. I finally spent a day at Disneyland.

Within moments of entering California Adventure, a High School Musical parade began. Soon after, Victoria and I were hugging Minnie and Mickey. I was proudly wearing my first-timer pin, and an employee enthusiastically wished me a magical day. The adventure was getting off to a marvelous start.

There were barely any lines, so we made it onto most of the rides and attractions. My favorites were the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, the Indiana Jones ride, and Pirates of the Caribbean. Honorable mention to the Buzz Lightyear ride, where you have to shoot at Zorg and they keep track of points. I think the scores speak for themselves.

I was laughing the entire day. It really was the most fun I have had in a long time. After about 10 hours at the park, we were glad to sit down for some dinner to relax.

On Thursday, Adam gave me a tour of Beverly Hills and Rodeo Drive. We visited lots of stores, Adam flirted with lots of girls, and we enjoyed a delicious lunch. Then I went to Victoria’s film class where we watched Jennifer’s Body and had a Q&A with the writer, director, and producer. The movie was awesome, and it was cool to talk with the creators, especially Diablo Cody who also wrote Juno.

That night, I went out for a night on Fraternity Row at USC. That was an experience. In St. Louis, anyone is welcome at any fraternity, but apparently only girls are welcome at the USC fraternities. I went to the USC chapter of my fraternity and barely made it in after a thorough security screening.

Friday I explored Hollywood Boulevard. We saw lots of tours and fake celebrities. The costumes were comically bad. Darth Vader was shorter than me and wore tights. Marilyn Monroe was really old, but proudly stood over a vent in the sidewalk to show off her legs. Three Spidermen bounced around various newspaper stands and trash cans, vying for position.

After lunch, we grabbed some coffee and as we were walking down the sidewalk, some police cars raced up and a police helicopter appeared overhead. A pair of officers ran out of the cars carrying shotguns. They stood up against a bank and peeked around the corner into the window. The strange thing was that, as this was happening, everyone went about their business completely normally. The police made no announcements, and barely drew any attention to themselves.

As people began to notice the shotgun-wielding police, they turned to watch. No one knew what to do. What does a bystander do during a bank robbery? A lady behind me asked if we should duck in case they started shooting. We all just watched curiously. Suddenly a woman on her cell phone exited the bank carrying a baby. Everyone gasped. But then that was it. Nothing really happened. She gave the police a confused look and kept walking completely nonchalantly.

The police looked at each other. They cautiously approached the door and entered. After about a minute, the helicopter left, and everyone resumed what they were doing. It was one of the most exciting times that nothing has happened. What really struck me was just how mildly everyone reacted. As if it was a completely normal activity.

So to recap: Go to Disneyland. Take a USC film class. Don’t bother with Fraternity Row. Always carry a shotgun.

Hoover Wilderness

My high school has a great outings department, and this weekend I got a call asking if I would be available to help lead a trip to the Hoover Wilderness near Yosemite. Without hesitation, I postponed my road trip to Los Angeles and started packing. There were six students, one teacher, and a dog on the trip, and it was a great group.

Once we distributed the group gear and ate lunch, we started the hike. The ascent was not long, but we enjoyed the views of the surrounding mountains and the sound of the creek running alongside the trail. We arrived at Green Lake within a couple hours and set up camp, where we would stay for the next two nights.

With mountains all around us, we didn’t quite experience a sunrise. Instead, our morning began with the sunlight slowly engulfing the rocky peaks around the lake, which was so calm in the morning it was like a mirror. Ken explored the shore for a good spot to go fishing with Ouzel. I choked down some oatmeal so that I would survive the day hike.

We walked up to a higher lake on Day 2 to spend the afternoon. Just as we were settling in, we began to hear thunder. Dark clouds slowly started to creep over the ridge. Little pellets of ice began to fall on the trees. A cold rain interrupted our lunch. We stuck it out under trees until the rain had passed, and started back towards camp.

Surrounded by granite mountains, the thunder echoed endlessly. It was amazing, the whole group would admire a lightning bolt across the sky, and then the thunder would hit and bounce around for minutes. It was like the whole wilderness was hungry and we were hiking through its growling stomach.

After escaping the cold rain, we were all tired, so we took naps in our tents. When we woke up, Ken and I went fishing with Ouzel while the students investigated an “island” in the lake. After dinner and a few mugs of hot chocolate, we watched the stars through the trees and headed to bed.

We were all so tired after our adventurous weekend, even Ouzel was sleeping in the van on the ride home. Nothing beats a bath when your legs are covered in dirt, so that’s where I am headed after I unpack.